Public Enemies

Public Enemies is a home video about John Dillinger, a bad guy that nobody likes, except for everyone. He has blue eyes.

Johnny Depp plays a pirate again but not the same as before. He has weird hair in this movie too, but it’s shorter. His beard is less too. It’s only a mustache in the movie and only sometimes, anyway. His gun is bigger. He calls it Thompson. I’d name my gun something else. Something shorter, probably.

Christian Bale isn’t Batman and he doesn’t yell in this movie, which is weird. His name is Melvin.

The pirate breaks his friends out of jail and uses real guns. One of his friends is dumb and the pirate doesn’t like it and is gonna make him walk the plank. But they’re in a car so he just pushes him out the door. That guy dies or something.

In the woods, Batman shoots a guy named Floyd and he dies. Then Batman kind of tries to smile or frown or something and the scene is over.

Then there’s a bank robbery and Johnny Depp gets money. He celebrates by falling in love with a stranger and forces her to come home with him. She runs away from him, but he finds her at work and takes her home with him again. Then they intercourse.

Batman graduates because this guy that used to wear women’s clothes says it’s a good idea. He gets told to hunt John Dillinger, but not like in the woods. He has to hunt him in public like the enemy he is. The name of the movie comes from that. There was a movie like that with Ice-T. He’s a homeless guy that gets hunted too. Johnny Depp isn’t homeless, but gets hunted anyway, so this movie is different.

There’s another bank robbery where Dillinger gets more money. A guy gives him his money and Dillinger says, no thanks. He’s like Robin Hood then.

The police try to find Johnny Depp’s car but they miss and a FBI guy dies instead. Nobody’s happy about that. Especially Batman. He talks to the cross-dresser guy and gets bigger guys to hunt Johnny Depp.

After that other bank robbery, Johnny Depp has a mustache. He goes to a hotel to sex the girl he loves again. She has a boy’s name. It’s Billie. When she takes a bath, some FBI guys come into the room and take Dillinger away. The naked girl gets out of the bathtub, but you don’t see anything.

The pirate goes to jail after that but he doesn’t have a mustache anymore. Then Melvin sees him and they both kinda smile or frown at each other. Then it’s over.

Johnny Depp makes a toy gun out of wood and pokes jail guys with it. They get scared and do what he says. He gets real guns then and breaks out of jail for good. He takes a police car through town and then drives fast and sings a song.

Then Batman is angry again.

Dillinger meets a guy named Baby Face Nelson. He’s a man and not a baby at all, but that’s his name anyway. They rob a bank together and the baby guy shoots a lot of people and laughs. Johnny Depp doesn’t like him anymore and they go to Wisconsin. Before they fall asleep, Melvin and some other FBI guys start shooting at the hotel. It looks like Fourth of July at my grandma’s house and the sound is funny. Johnny Depp doesn’t die then, but everyone else does except the FBI guys. They kill the baby and a few FBI men get hurt, but not all of them. Some of the hurt guys die, though and Batman is angry again.

Batman is angry a lot and the other FBI guys try to make him feel better by stealing the girl that Johnny Depp loves. They hit her in the face and she pees her pants. Actually, she’s wearing a dress. She pees her dress. Then she goes to jail.

Johnny Depp says, I’m gonna do one more robbery and quit. He meets new people to live with before he steals more money and one of them is a girl from a different country who likes orange clothes. She meets with angry Batman and he says, I’ll let you be American if you help me hunt Dillinger. And she says, that sounds good.

Dillinger and the foreign girl go with one more girl to see a movie. The foreign girl wears an orange dress and Johnny Depp wears a hat. Not like a pirate hat, just a hat. Batman knows that Dillinger likes movies, so he waits outside with his FBI guys to talk to Johnny Depp when the movie they’re watching is over.

It’s confusing a little bit because Dillinger and those girls are watching a movie, but I was watching the movie too. I was also watching Public Enemies, but not when I was watching the movie that they were watching because that movie was not Public Enemies. At the same time, I was still watching Public Enemies. I was glad when the movie that they were watching was over because it felt like a mind game or something.

When the movie is over—the one they were watching, not the one I was watching—Johnny Depp comes out with his hat on. The FBI guys go after him and shoot him a lot. Then he dies and tries to whisper something but nobody knows what he says.

Then this one guy knows what he says and tells the girl with the boy’s name what he said. He said that he said, bye bye, birdie, which wasn’t a very good movie to talk about because it was a musical about going steady with boys. I don’t think Johnny Depp likes going steady with boys and I don’t think he likes musicals either. He was in musicals though, so maybe I’m not right to think that.